Several friends and I have kicked around the idea of hearkening back to our grandparents’ generation by organizing cocktail hours designed to get us through the late-afternoon push. The idea is that whining and general chaos have a greater chance of being neutralized if we can persuade our kids into thinking it’s not really the end of the day. That they’re not really starved for one-on-one attention right at the hour when we need to be prepping dinner. That what they really need is a little creative play with some peers while their parents sit around or cook over drinks.
A friend and stay-at-home dad said to me the other day, Parenting isn’t like PTSD because it’s ongoing.
Tongue-in-cheek as that may sound, it rings a bell. Constant parenting can make you feel diagnosable.
My advice to him and, had I been able to give it, to myself over the last two years, is this: be as aggressively proactive as your stretched-thin, bleary-eyed self can manage about getting support. Call other parents, grandparents, babysitters. Organize a babysitting co-op, trade kids with friends for the morning, plan a time at the gym together, have play dates every day. Every hour if you need them.
And this: be honest about how difficult staying home with young children can be.
I’m not advocating pity-parties that don’t lead to anything but more despair (no, despair is not an over-statement). I’m not suggesting we ignore the creativity of our kids or moan constantly about lost freedoms or parenting dilemmas (though moaning can be cathartic).
I’m suggesting that no one try to pretend this gig is easy.
My husband said he’s heard parenting referred to as the tyranny of the now. It’s true. It’s not that any of us resent our children for needing to be bathed and clothed and nurtured. Of course not. It’s this: for long, long stretches of time, there isn’t room for anything else.
Our family is lucky, really lucky, to live within driving distance of most our kids’ grandparents (in the case of my in-laws, we’re within a few miles). After living in another part of the country for the first three years of my daughter’s life, I don’t take built-in babysitters for granted one little bit.
But even people with family in town need other folks to help carry the load. We can’t impose on our parents all the time. We want to respect the effort, time and love they give our kids while still holding down full-time jobs and running their own households and social schedules. Plus, we just need other people.
I know I do. So, here’s to friends. Here’s to late-afternoon distraction and play. Here’s to sanity. Here’s to happy hour!
These images courtesy of Monocle (via Creative Commons).




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